The Horror That Was Once Known as Lunch
by CCT
Summary: {fanfic challenge} Shuichi decides that, since he has the day off, he will make Yuki and himself lunch. (rating to be safe) Just a silly fic.


**Title: The Horror That Was Once Known as Lunch**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, ah, would be nice if I did though. Hehe, this fic is just for fun. So no suing, okay? **

**Warnings: None really, this is just a silly fic! Oh, and of course shonen-ai here.**

**Notes: Okay, this was a fanfic challenge I thought of for the gravific mailing list. ^__^ The challenge was to write a fanfic where Shuichi was making lunch for Yuki and himself. The catch you had to use the ten phrases I'll give below. My friend helped me with the phrases. Hehehe. I numbered them, and also put that number in the fic when the phrase was used. ^__^ I hope you enjoy the fanfic, I tried!**

**|Phrases|**

1. Behold the power of cheese.

2. How can the soda possibly be evil? {Yuki}

3. How can you compare myself to a tomato?

4. I'm telling you! There are penguins there and they want to eat me!

5. It's not impossible! I swear my head is shrinking! 

6. What? Fritos? Fritos, Cheetohs, Doritos they are all in the "-itos" family!

7. The power! I can feel it! I can- Hey! No, don't pull the plug! 

8. An apple a day keeps the doctor away? I wonder why... does it mean that doctors are allergic to them?

9. I'm cute... and a psycho. Hm, it evens out! {definitely Shuichi for this one. hehe} 

10. No, no, no please!!!! Don't get so close, said the jelly to the peanut butter before the sandwich was made.

-----

                Yuki knew that it had been too good to be true. He had finished his latest book on time and his publishers had been overjoyed with the outcome. Now he had the chance to sleep in as late as he wanted before starting his next book. Or at least that's what he would be doing if there weren't loud noises coming from the kitchen. 

                With a loud groan Yuki rolled onto his back, glancing over at the alarm clock on his dresser. It was eleven a.m. He had just laid down a little over two hours ago. 'Grrrr, what is going on? I thought that idiot was supposed to be at NG, I saw him leave at eight, right before I met with my publisher... He wasn't here when I went to bed around nine.' Yuki groaned again, he was too tired to try and figure out what exactly was going on. 

                'Damn it.' Yuki sat himself up, stretching his muscles slowly, before he stood and headed out of the bedroom. He made his way down the hall and stopped in the entrance way to the kitchen. He frowned as he watched his young lover, Shuichi, was pulling out the cutting board and the electric cutter. 

                Shuichi, who still hadn't noticed Yuki's presence, leaned over and plugged in the electric cutter and quickly turned it on. He leaned over and grabbed the small turkey he had bought and placed it on the cutting board. "The power! I can feel it! I can-"

                While Shuichi was admiring the electric cutter, Yuki rushed over and reached to unplug it. "…"

                "Hey! No don't pull the plug!" (7) Shuichi whined, and then blinked as Yuki pulled out the plug. "Oh! Hello Yuki." He smiled nervously. "Did I wake you?"

                Yuki sighed, "What have I told you about using this?" He took the cutter away from Shuichi, holding it up. "And yes, you woke me." 

                "I'm sorry Yuki! I didn't mean to wake you. And I didn't think me using it this one time would hurt anything."

                "It would have, it would have hurt you." Yuki rolled his eyes as he wrapped the cord back around the handle of the cutter and placed it back in the drawer it belonged to. 

                "Aw, you worry about me! Yuki loves me!" Shuichi launched at Yuki, attaching himself to the other man's arms. 

                "You must be psycho."

                "Ah, that might be true. But… I'm cute... and a psycho. Hm, it evens out!" (9) Shuichi began laughing evilly, his head thrown back.

                Yuki sighed, "What are you doing anyway?" He moved back to the entrance way, leaning against it with his arms crossed. 

                Shuichi blinked, "Eh? Oh, I'm making us lunch! I know that you didn't eat dinner last night, nor breakfast this morning before you went to see your publisher. And I'm sure you didn't eat anything when you got back. And since we have the day off now --K had to go to some meeting for the NRA… who ever that is… in America suddenly-- I decided to come home and make you something to eat!" He smiled happily, not having taken a breath during his whole explanation. 

                "Ah." Yuki frowned.

                "I'm sorry to have waken you, though this way I don't have to wake you when I am done." 

                He frowned some more, "I'm not hungry." 

                "Aww, Yuki! You have to eat. Just sit down," Shuichi moved over to his more mature lover, pushing him to sit down at the kitchen table. "and let me finish lunch. Here! I'll get you a soda!" He ran back into the kitchen. Yuki would have said no to the soda, but he knew that it wouldn't help, Shuichi would bring one anyway, so he just watched the pink tornado run into the kitchen. 

                Shuichi opened the fridge and he reached into it, pulling out a can of Coca Cola. As he was standing straight the soda slipped from his hand and fell onto his foot. He yelped, and began hopping on the other foot as he watched the can roll away. "Ahhh! The soda, it's evil! Devil Coke!" 

                "How can the soda possibly be evil?" (2)

                "Because, it just attacked me!" Shuichi stomped over to the can, glaring down at it. "Well, I can't give my Yuki this can, it's possessed." Carefully he picked up the can and placed it in the trash.

                "You just wasted a whole can of Coke."

                "I know, but that one is bad! Very bad!" Shuichi went to the fridge and grabbed another can, taking that one to Yuki after he decided this one was not evil. 

                "..thanks…" Yuki shook his head slightly, taking the can. 

                "You're welcome! Now stay here and I'll make us lunch!" with that he ran back into the kitchen, going back to what he had started before Yuki woke up. "Alright, a deli sandwich for Yuki and a PB&J, with chips, sandwich for me!" Yuki just shook his head again, opening the soda, about to take a drink, then realizing it wasn't beer and placed it back down. 

                "Behold the power of cheese!" (1) Shuichi had opened a pack of deli sliced cheddar, placing two slices on the Sourdough bread he had placed on some paper towels earlier.

                Yuki noticed the paper towels. "Why aren't you using plates?"

                Shuichi blinked, looking over at Yuki, "I told you why."

                "Not that again." He sighed, rolling his eyes as he leaned back in his chair. 

                "I'm telling you! There are penguins there and they want to eat me!" (4)

                "That's ridiculous."

                "No it's not! I told you what happened the last time I went in the cupboard for a cup. They sprinkled something on me and my head began shrinking, and it still is!"

                "That's impossible. You're head can't shrink."

                "It's not impossible! I swear my head is shrinking!" (5)

                Yuki just waved him off, "Alright, whatever you say, just finish what you are doing." 

                Shuichi pouted, "Okay." He reached over for the tomatoes he placed on the counter. He looked at one for a moment and then spoke, "You and me are the same."

                "How can you compare yourself to a tomato?" (3)

                "When cared for we look perfect, but the slightest pressure," Shuichi squeezed the tomato and it bruised almost immediately, "and we are damaged." 

                "What are you getting at?" Yuki frowned, he didn't like how that sounded. Was he saying that he had hurt his lover by trying to ignore his frantic pleadings that there are devil penguins in their cupboard.

                "Huh?... I don't remember." Shuichi smiled suddenly before he began cutting up the tomato. 

                'Figures.' Yuki sighed, 'Idiot.' 

                Shuichi was quick to finish up Yuki's sandwich. He sliced some of the turkey and then added the tomatoes, some lettuce and then mayo to the sandwich. He took the sandwich, on the paper towel, over to Yuki. He then went back into the kitchen to grab the bag of Cheetohs that was on top of the fridge. As he was placing the bag down on the table for Yuki, the other man frowned.

                "I don't like Cheetohs."

                "I thought you did." Shuichi frowned.

                "No, I like Fritos." 

                "What? Fritos? Fritos, Cheetohs, Doritos they are all in the "-itos" family!" (6)

                "It's not the same. But, it's okay. I'll just have the sandwich." Shuichi sighed, disappointed that he couldn't even remember what type of chips Yuki liked. But, he didn't let that get him down for too long, he just put the chips back and went to making his sandwich. 

                Yuki had begun eating his sandwich, not waiting for Shuichi since the other man ate with the speed of a pig and would probably still be done before he was. As he was taking a second bite he could hear Shuichi yelling.

                "No, no, no please!!!!" Yuki blinked, a little wide eyed as he glanced back towards the kitchen. Shuichi was holding up one slice of white bread with jelly on it, and another with peanut butter. "Don't get so close, said the jelly to the peanut butter before the sandwich was made." (10) Shuichi then made some more dramatic noises before smashing the two halves together. Yuki just frowned, shaking his head and continued his eating. 

                It was a few minutes later that Shuichi sat down at the table next to Yuki. He placed his sandwich on the table and a can of Coke and also an apple. Before he started eating he just continued to stare at the apple. 

                "What's the matter?" Yuki had finished about half of his sandwich and was wondering why Shuichi had begun eating. 

                "They say, 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away'? I wonder why... does it mean that doctors are allergic to them?" (8) Shuichi sounded like he was serious, and Yuki was sure he was.

                "No, they only say that because apples are healthy, and when you are healthy you don't have to see the doctors as often. Now eat." Yuki pointed at Shuichi's sandwich and then continued to eat himself. It wasn't long before both were finished and Yuki had to put up with Shuichi offering to make dinner tonight. Yuki quickly declined, he never wanted Shuichi to cook again. For one it took too long, and for another he couldn't handle the insane way it was made. 

===end===

**CCT: Well, there you are. ^__^ This is just a one-shot, so tell me what you think! **


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